You’d Rather Go to Heaven
I felt strange about it and recalled that only two days earlier I was suffering from insomnia for couldn’t stop thinking about death. It is not that I had never had any insomnia in my life before, which is like a twin sister for me companying me most of the time and leaving me less frequent. But my lack of sleep was usually caused by my thinking about someone or a movie or a book or how-to-do-this-and-that or when I curious about something, thinking about death very rare and never came at a late of night.
There, in my case, the combination of insomnia and death-related thought was quite new. I was questioning what would happen if I die. Will I finish just like that? Will I end up in another world and will have to experience another (not to say the more) complicated life? Will I this, will I that?
All the questions were selfish for sure, all about what will happen to me. I didn’t think about anyone else as I am sure every people I know taking care of themselves a lot better than I could ever do, they’ll absolutely survive without me. My boyfriend, he will manage to find a new heart: he is a survivor. My lover, he has every quality for being sexual imagination of every female in flame: I believe he had more chance if I’m not around. My parents, I have two siblings and both are married: the members of our family are still big and even bigger with my nieces. My boss, oh my express-yourself type cannot be a model employee. My friends, they would be happier without someone fussing at energy wasting life-style most of the time.
You see, the only one to worry about is myself.
And from the record of my living life, according to major religion teachings I will most likely go to hell. My candor often pisses people off. I several times took (not always, sometimes only planned) revenges, with beliefs by doing that I’m keeping my satisfaction and one’s in correct balance. And I hardly forgive after being scratched.
Either hell is a burning or a freezing place, I believe it would not be the place where we can do what we like. In this world we live now may not be that extreme, but still we cannot always be granted to do what we want and it is full of sorrows and pains. So, I thought, why one has to be born to suffer life and going to hell after that.
Did not want to think alone, I checked my ICQ, Yahoo! Messenger, AOL, Vkontakte, everything: nobody I desired to talk with was on-line. I then browsed my phone book and remembered a name glittering in my head: Nikolay Druzhinin. Someone I have never met personally, but we discussed pretty a lot about life in our posts. I checked his profile; he had his phone number there.
I sent him a text message without worrying it was nearly midnight in the part of the world he is living. He promptly replied: «I think you’d rather go to heaven, if it exists. You’re a good girl, there is nothing to do for you in hell.» which bursting me into laugh. It was crazy that he made it sounds going to heaven or hell is something you can choose on the spot just like choosing menus, or picking holiday destination: hell is crowded as most of people heading there so I better go to heaven to get more peaceful atmosphere now it has a new branch. However, it really eased me from being frustrated thinking about death. Why not going to hell or heaven is an option? Only because going to heaven needs more requirements and longer process plus unbelievable tests, it doesn’t mean there is no hope to get the entry and permanent resident permit there at all.
I noticed, so many people do their best to get the ticket to heaven: through different ways. Which one would work, I have been wondering. Is there lots of heaven for lots of beliefs thus any ways would work equally? Or is there only one thus only one of thousand ways is granted and the others are thrown away, just like every teaching claimed? Is there enough space to accommodate all qualified ever-lived human (from the very first human until the last human) on earth?
Goodness, I suffer insomnia again: because of heaven…
